They’re called to the countryside with reports of “The Candy Witch” haunting homeowners. Reece (Jon Callaway) and Kat (Abi Casson Thompson) are paranormal-investigating lovers who host a popular online program (or run a massively subscribed-to account). Mimick, swap some kills, call it a night. You’ve asserted your intentions by opening on an overused jump-scare popularized by Lights Out (still not the creator, even).
![witch movie witch movie](https://assets3.thrillist.com/v1/image/2793037/size/tmg-facebook_social.jpg)
Do you yearn for a slasher where someone gets choked out with licorice rope (this has to exist somewhere in Troma history, no)? Rebecca Matthews blends hints of the Pentecostal with delicious murder motivations, albeit within a fundamental supernatural architecture. A resurrected witch kills victims with sweet treats. The Candy Witch, at least, promotes itself correctly. Independent horror films love to tout an insane concept, accompanied by equally deranged promotional artwork, but few ever honor “batshit” promises. The Candy Witch seeks vengeance on the wealthy family that wronged her. Or maybe I took all the wrong messages from The Craft.Starring Jon Callaway, Abi Casson Thompson, Kate Lush, Heather Jackson, Richard D.
#WITCH MOVIE HOW TO#
If your entire family dies, that’s bad, obviously, but coming into your own power and learning how to fly isn’t an awful silver lining. If my Ye Olde Guidance Counselor tells me me career options are cooking, cleaning, childrearing (for my parents), cooking, cleaning, childrearing (for a family my parents give me to), and cooking, cleaning, childrearing (for, eventually, a husband), fuck yeah I’ll want to go out in the forest and join a coven! Granted, you’re still Satan’s bride, but Satan’s a pretty chill goat, so I could roll with that. People were scared of feminine power back then, which is (partially) where fear of witches comes from: Oh fuck, crazy bitches with their periods are rising up and fucking with our patriarchy. Her parents, particularly her mother, are suspicious of her growing impiety, her independence.
#WITCH MOVIE MOVIE#
And it’s worse for Thomasin, because-and I believe the movie is intentional about addressing this-she’s a teenage girl, coming into womanhood. Between the social isolation, the separation from their homeland and the strictness of the Puritans’ religion, life just plain sucks out loud for Thomasin’s family. (Do we even know the crop failure wasn’t completely normal?) Nobody forced the family to turn on each other and accuse them of witchcraft willy-nilly once the youngest kid went missing they did that all on their own. You don’t see the witch all that often, and a lot of the drama is caused less by the witch going around double double toil and trouble-ing than Thomasina’s family reacting to the witch’s presence. One of the things that I liked about The Witch is how the supernatural elements are fairly low-key. Bad, right? Poor Thomasin has sold her soul to Satan!Īnd yet, when I watched that scene, I found myself somewhat relieved on Thomasin’s behalf. Instead, the final scene sees Thomasin, thoroughly traumatized and done-with-fucking-everything, accepting Goat Satan’s offer, going into the forest and joining a coven of witches. Would you like to be a witch? AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!” And she’s like, “Totes McGotes! Get it? Because you’re a goat!,” and Black Phillip finds the pun so funny that she frees her from her Satanic contract and they go out and have ice cream sundaes together. So then Black Phillip, undisputed breakout star of The Witch, comes up to Thomasin and is like, “Hey, yo. Her youngest sibling was turned into baby jam (no, that’s not a Kidz Bop spinoff, you sick fuck), her parents blamed her for it and eventually tried to ship her bonnetted ass off to work as some random family’s servant. To recap: Thomasin (Anya Taylor-Joy) has been through two hours of (non-literal) hell.
![witch movie witch movie](https://www.newdvdreleasedates.com/images/posters/large/the-witches-2020-01.jpg)
That said, I want to talk about the ending.ĭid anyone else find that last scene… oddly uplifting? And not just because Thomasin starts literally flying, hyuk hyuk.
![witch movie witch movie](https://cdn.crownmediadev.com/43/28/d4ab87d242799810ae871aa480f3/goodwitch-ep202-713r.jpg)
Which I was fine with, because I feel like it was intentional.
![witch movie witch movie](http://clubdesmonstres.com/best/img/bell_witch7b.jpg)
Personally, I was somewhere in-between: Very well-done and compelling on a lot of levels, but more slow-burn creepy than actually scary, per se. By now you’ve had time to watch The Witch, which is alternatively A) the scariest damn horror movie since The Babadook or B) a completely overrated arthouse circlejeck.